Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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