don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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