even my farts smell like vagina
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
