She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
