I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
