That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I need moral support for this bender
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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