you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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