so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
