So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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