MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
