Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
