I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just had sex on a roof
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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