She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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