just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
