i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
