I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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