low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Randomize
