I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
