her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
