I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"