it hurts more in the daytime
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
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I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.