...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
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Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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