You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
