that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?