Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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