By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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