Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
