I hate your face
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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