I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
soo... how was my night?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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