i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
