Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
