yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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