Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
