fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
