I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
