Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
