Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
