so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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