I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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