Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
