im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
