Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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