I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...