SEEEEXXX PLEASE
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
