Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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