sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend