u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?