New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
