bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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