i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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