Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
