Pants 0. Shit 1.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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