No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
