problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
