I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize