wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
