Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
