I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
