Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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