we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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