I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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