I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
