i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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