I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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