You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
