I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
