Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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