I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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