I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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