I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
