how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
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Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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