her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
