like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
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He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
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Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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